Let’s be honest—we’re basically just cavemen with smartphones. Sure, we’ve invented the internet, put people on the moon, and figured out how to make pizza bagels, but deep down, we’re still operating on software that was last updated around 50,000 BC. And boy, does it show in the most ridiculous ways.
The Great Grocery Store Migration
Ever notice how you can navigate a grocery store you’ve never been to before, but somehow lose your car in a parking lot you’ve used a thousand times? That’s because your brain is still convinced you’re hunting woolly mammoths in the frozen food aisle.
We approach grocery shopping like we’re preparing for the apocalypse. “Better grab seventeen boxes of pasta—what if they stop making carbs?” Meanwhile, our prehistoric brain is screaming, “GATHER ALL THE BERRIES! WINTER IS COMING!” which explains why you somehow end up with twelve different types of jam but forget to buy actual food for dinner.
And don’t even get me started on how we react when someone takes the last rotisserie chicken. Suddenly, Karen from accounting transforms into a territorial predator, ready to defend her protein source like her ancestors defended their hunting grounds. “I SAW IT FIRST, BRENDA!”
When Stone Age Meets Space Age
We carry supercomputers in our pockets, but we still blow on things when they don’t work. Game cartridge won’t start? Blow on it. USB won’t connect? Give it a little puff. Phone acting up? Well, maybe a gentle breath will fix the WiFi connection.
Our relationship with technology is like watching a caveman try to operate a spaceship. We poke at screens with the same confused determination our ancestors used to figure out fire. “Maybe if I press this button harder, the internet will be faster.”
And let’s talk about how we treat our phones like precious artifacts. We put them in cases thicker than medieval armor, but then proceed to use them while walking, eating, and somehow simultaneously doing seventeen other things. It’s like we’re trying to protect our most valuable hunting tool while also using it to watch videos of cats falling off furniture.
